I need help. I'm asking you.?

I'm 24 and still live @ home w/my parents. I've had probs w/mental disorders my whole life but I'm sick of it all. I want to be able to be a somebody and make everyone proud but I'm so not motivated... I'd rather die then try. I'm lost. I think of nothing else but dying. I even tried and still try but dont want "docter" help. I guess I just wish there where a way to be "normal". I'm sick of this life... Of all of this... I'm done but dont want to die. What should I do? How do I overcome this all myself? I need help. No hotlines or docs.